Stupid Lawsuits

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The cases are good for cocktail parties and illustrate that our system is out of control. As you can see, anybody can sue anybody for nearly any reason. Lawyers are not policing themselves and, someday, this will backfire. But, enough of that, here are the cases:

A Canadian man sues a New York coffee shop after suffering what he calls “damage to his manhood”. His penis somehow got pinched between the toilet seat and bowl while he was reaching forward for toilet paper. He is asking for $1 million to compensate for his “dire and permanent” injuries. His wife is also suing for $500,000, claiming her husband cannot perform his marital duties.

An inmate in Tennessee, Gary Bradford Cone, sued the state because they have taken away his “right” to possess pornography (A new state law does not allow it.) Cone is currently on Death Row.

Another Death Row inmate sued the author of a book that described the murders he had committed. The convicted killer asked for $60 million in damages, claiming that the book would make it difficult for him to find a job. (The case was eventually thrown out.)

A man riding his bike home from work at night with no lights, only reflectors, was hit by a Jeep after the driver ran a stop sign. The bicyclist sued the bike manufacturer because he was not warned that reflectors might not be enough to prevent an accident. The man was awarded $6 million.

A New York small-business owner is suing Air France after crew members broke down the bathroom door and pulled him out in front of other passengers, fully exposing him. A smoke alarm had gone off on the plane, and the crew members thought he was smoking. He is suing for $12 million.

A young woman sued a nightclub after she fell out of a bathroom window, knocking out two of her front teeth. She won $12,000 plus dental expenses. (She fell from the window as she was attempting to sneak into the club to avoid the $3.50 cover charge.)

A Philadelphia restaurant was sued after Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, slipped and broke her coccyx on a beverage that had been spilled on the floor. She was awarded $113,500. (Not bad, considering she had thrown the drink at her boyfriend during an argument 30 seconds earlier.)

An inmate in a Virginia penitentiary has filed a lawsuit against himself, claiming that he violated his civil rights by getting arrested. He is suing for $5 million and is asking the state to pay since he can’t
have an income in prison.

A man is suing a strip club for $200,000. He claims that one of the strippers caused him “emotional distress, mental anguish, and indignity” when she bashed her breasts against his head. Carson also claimed to have been “bruised, confused, lacerated and made sore.” The stripper’s breasts are rumored to weigh up to 40 pounds each.

A 27-year-old man was killed while rocking a vending machine that tipped over on him. The man was attempting to steal a drink out of the machine. Relatives in New York are suing for $400,000 in damages.

A man who had purchased a BMW and found that some of the car had been repainted to cover acid-rain damage sued and won $3 million in damages. The garage where the car was purchased appealed the ruling, and the damage award was cut in half, to $1.5 million.

A woman is suing a guide-dog school for $150,000 after a blind man allegedly stepped on her foot. A dog trained at the school was leading the man at the time.

A phone-sex operator in Florida won a settlement after filing for worker’s
compensation, saying she had suffered repetitive-motion injuries in both hands. The repetitive motion was the result of using her hands to give herself as many as seven orgasms a day while talking to clients.

The Anheuser-Busch Company was sued by a man for emotional distress because he had no luck with the ladies after drinking their product.

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